is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.