I think my fart just growled at me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me