508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.