So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!