just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
