I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
