she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
