I'm eating all of the evidence.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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