what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
