Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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