Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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