the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
