Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
