she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
