If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
