i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
