he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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