Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
