i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
