I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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