Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
