I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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