They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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