I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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