Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
