shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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