your parents love me but you hate me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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