AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
