why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
