i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
