Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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