this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
