I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
