I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you traded sex for a burrito?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
