The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
