the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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