he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
