When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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