me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
