You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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