he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
