her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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