So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
