I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
