I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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