sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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