speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's official drugs can't kill me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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