I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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