I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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