He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
