last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
