I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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