i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
