I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
