I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
