He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
