I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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