Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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